GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!

STOP, COLLABORATE AND LISTEN

Vanilla Ice is back boyeeeee! The Iceman is here to save the world with an album that will electro shock hiphop back to life in 2009! Oh man I've been waiting for this day! Wait...did I read that he's doing a cover of "Fight The Power" by Public Enemy? No that can't be right. And hey, that looks like an EPMD track too. What the hell is going on here???

This is not cool. I even shaved lines in my hair before listening. F*ck...

Artist.....: Vanilla Ice
Title......: Vanilla Ice Is Back!: Hip Hop Classics
Label......: Cleopatra

Store Date.: 000-00-0000
Genre......: Rap

Track Listing:

01 - Ice Ice Baby                                    04:16
02 - You Dropped A Bomb On Me                        04:45
03 - Fight The Power                                 04:32
04 - Jump Around                                     03:15
05 - Baby Got Back                                   04:21
06 - You Gots To Chill                               03:41
07 - I Got It Made                                   03:42
08 - Buffalo Soldier                                 03:45
09 - Treat 'Em Right                                 04:45
10 - Insane In The Brain                             03:47
11 - Ice Ice Baby (Rock Hero Mix)                    04:10
12 - Ice Ice Baby (Club Crasher Mix)                 04:28
13 - Ice Ice Baby (New Romantic Mix)                 04:54

                                               ─────
                                               54:21 min

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

CEREAL STONERS WAGE WAR ON TONY THE TIGER

MILK SPILLS IN THE STREETS

In today's news it looks like a certain breakfast food company has completely pissed off the wrong demographic, hungry cereal-munching stoners. Kellogg's is getting smoked after a decision was made to drop Michael Phelps' endorsement deal over a bong photo. A massive, smelly boycott by thousands of Phish-listening ganja tokers has successfully cut deep into the pockets of the Corn Pops empire.

Silicon Valley Insider (SVI) has published a report compiled by the company reputation index, Vanno, which appears to show that the cancellation of Phelps's endorsement contract has badly damaged the Kellogg's brand. "Out of the 5,600 company reputations Vanno monitors, Kellogg ranked ninth before it booted Phelps. Now it's ranked 83. Not even an industry-wide peanut scare inflicted as much damage on the food company's reputation," reports SVI.


This news can only signal the beginning of a downward spiral for the Kellogg's company. Shockingly the Kellogg's cereal "Bran Buds" has not taken a hit in profits.

In related news, reports are coming in now saying that a depressed Dig 'Em frog has traded his Sugar Smacks for actual smack, and has subsequently checked himself into a Los Angeles rehab facility. Get better Dig 'Em, THE GRINGO ST★RR is rooting for a swift recovery.

CUT THIS SH*T OFF!

"HI THIS IS BARRY WHITE..."

THE OLE' FAKE CHIMNEY ON A ROOFTOP GAG

SMART CRIMINALS STAGE BANK HEIST AFTER MULTIPLE VIEWINGS OF MARY POPPINS




Bank robberies. In these delicate times of financial chaos the crooks have finally stepped their game up. Two nights ago thieves managed to set-up a fake chimney on top of a Brooklyn bank, allowing them to cut a giant hole in the roof with super villain cutting tools. 60 safe deposit boxes were stolen according to the NY Post*.

"The burglars - captured on surveillance cameras - operated heavy-duty blowtorches normally used under water to slice through the roof and enter the Astoria Federal Savings Bank on East Second Street and 18th Avenue in Borough Park. Bank employees discovered the break-in yesterday morning. The powerful tools were left at the scene and at a nearby construction site. A perfectly extracted circular slab of concrete from the roof was found nearby."

Bravo criminals! You’re officially in the running for best bank heist of 2009!!!

(although it’s really going to be reeeeally tough to beat the 2008 Craigslist banditos)

which you can read about here

*The NY Post is a periodical often chastised by 90’s super group Public Enemy

R★TARDED PIZZA

AN OBSERVATION

Sometimes life puts you into situations. I was put into one of these “situations” yesterday while waiting to have my taxes prepared at a local community college. I had to wait two hours in a cafeteria just to have my taxes filed for free because I am a cheap bastard, but hey it was free, and this story is not about taxes. This story is about pizza.

How can I put this delicately? While I was waiting patiently for my name to be called, I happened to observe a series of “interviews” being conducted at the table next to me. The interviewer was a typical Oregon hipster with a ponytail and sweater combo; the interviewee was in fact…mentally challenged. From what I gathered, these interviews were for a newsletter on campus. I could be rude and say “it was a newsletter catered towards making retarded people feel better about themselves”, but I won’t. I can only assume this newsletter is circulated exclusively amongst the retarded community, and they really dig it.

So onto the interview, what was the interview about? Politics? Current Events? No…this interview was about the perfect pizza. What would a retarded person want on their perfect pizza? I’m seriously trying hard not to be a d*ck in this article, but when you're finished reading the recipe below, I’m sure you’ll agree. This really is a retarded pizza.

Retarded Pizza Ingredients

• Tomato sauce
• Cucumbers
• Mushrooms
• Bell peppers
• Italian sausage
• Pepperoni
• Onions
• Sliced ham
• No artichokes
• Pineapple
and…
• Swiss Cheese

“Swiss cheese?”, even our ponytailed friend conducting the interview was taken aback. “Yes, swiss cheese and a diet soda.”, she replied. I committed every ingredient to memory immediately.

Feel free to make this tasty treat at home. And to the little lady out at LCC who came up with this amazing pie, I salute you. Pass a slice over to GRINGO ST★RR.

THE GRINGO ST★RR IS WORLDWIDE!

FUN FACT!

We've had visits from 7 different countries* since our launch in January.

• United States
• Canada
• Czech Republic
• Philippines
• China
• Norway
• Israel

*statistics calculated using google analytics