zonboyz
9 years ago
Thursday, July 2, 2009
SHAQ ONCE AGAIN PROVES HE IS HILARIOUS
Holy crap Shaq is hilarious! Here's a pic from today's press conference where the newly traded Cleveland Cavalier Shaq proves that he is old friends with general manager Danny Ferry.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
ON MY GRIND LIKE KENNY BLOGGINS CHANGING FORMATS
New layout. I moved some crap around today because the videos were getting cut off in Internet Explorer. Let me know how it works out for you guys.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
GOOBY
This is Gooby. Gooby is the scariest movie ever created ever. Gooby is burned into my retinas. Pray for Gooby.
R.I.P. MJ
(CNN) -- Entertainer Michael Jackson has died after being taken to a hospital on Thursday after suffering cardiac arrest, CNN has confirmed.
Damn son! Michael Jackson died today.
When I first heard the news about his heart attack I knew it was BAD, I figured the guy would pull through, if anyone could BEAT IT he could. Then TMZ put me on blast and I thought they were being reckless saying Jacko had passed, I figured THEY WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHING because REMEMBER THE TIME a few months back they reported he was deaded? Hell naw. But it's true...so true. Farrah Fawcett's death today was eclipsed by the pop star supernova. A sexy Farrah poster and a flaming Pepsi jeri curl passed each other like ships in the night.
R.I.P. Mike. Some say you were a kid fiddler, others say genius, in my eyes you were a musical mutha f*ckin' gaaaaaaawd...all respect due to my childhood hero.
peace out homie
Damn son! Michael Jackson died today.
When I first heard the news about his heart attack I knew it was BAD, I figured the guy would pull through, if anyone could BEAT IT he could. Then TMZ put me on blast and I thought they were being reckless saying Jacko had passed, I figured THEY WANNA BE STARTIN' SOMETHING because REMEMBER THE TIME a few months back they reported he was deaded? Hell naw. But it's true...so true. Farrah Fawcett's death today was eclipsed by the pop star supernova. A sexy Farrah poster and a flaming Pepsi jeri curl passed each other like ships in the night.
R.I.P. Mike. Some say you were a kid fiddler, others say genius, in my eyes you were a musical mutha f*ckin' gaaaaaaawd...all respect due to my childhood hero.
peace out homie
THE NEW BK SCHLONG DONGER
I don't even have to type anything for this one. You can make up your own dick jokes.
SPORTS DAY
Thanks to awolf for the link, I stole them sh*ts. Allen Iverson gets down in what might be the best youtoober I've seen all year. Prepare yourself for this one.
HOLY TURDS SHAQ GOT TRADED TO THE CAVS!
It's gonna be Shaq and Lebron??? This is ridiculous, I'm stoked. This is a perfect excuse to dump my favorite Shaq raps of all time!!!
"Kobe tell me how my ass taste! I'm a horse!"
"Kobe tell me how my ass taste! I'm a horse!"
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
IN TODAY'S OLD NEWS
I might as well put up the infamous Artie Lange vs. Joe Buck video that has been circulating since early last week. Fat Artie has lost some weight! After his appearance Artie was banned from HBO. Banned from HBO? Yes he was banned from appearing on any HBO sports show forever-ever.
Dear HBO, please clean the sand out of your vagina...
Dear HBO, please clean the sand out of your vagina...
SNOOP & BUZZ
Here we have Snoop and Buzz Aldrin in the lab working on their next big hit (gratuitous weed joke). I already have my copy preordered on Amazon.com.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
STONE HENGE FOR THE MASSES
Hey I made a stone henge in my backyard. If you want to come by and check it out I charge $10 for admission. Don't try any funny stuff.
Friday, February 27, 2009
GO NINJA GO NINJA GO!
STOP, COLLABORATE AND LISTEN
Vanilla Ice is back boyeeeee! The Iceman is here to save the world with an album that will electro shock hiphop back to life in 2009! Oh man I've been waiting for this day! Wait...did I read that he's doing a cover of "Fight The Power" by Public Enemy? No that can't be right. And hey, that looks like an EPMD track too. What the hell is going on here???
This is not cool. I even shaved lines in my hair before listening. F*ck...
Vanilla Ice is back boyeeeee! The Iceman is here to save the world with an album that will electro shock hiphop back to life in 2009! Oh man I've been waiting for this day! Wait...did I read that he's doing a cover of "Fight The Power" by Public Enemy? No that can't be right. And hey, that looks like an EPMD track too. What the hell is going on here???
This is not cool. I even shaved lines in my hair before listening. F*ck...
Artist.....: Vanilla Ice
Title......: Vanilla Ice Is Back!: Hip Hop Classics
Label......: Cleopatra
Store Date.: 000-00-0000
Genre......: Rap
Track Listing:
01 - Ice Ice Baby 04:16
02 - You Dropped A Bomb On Me 04:45
03 - Fight The Power 04:32
04 - Jump Around 03:15
05 - Baby Got Back 04:21
06 - You Gots To Chill 03:41
07 - I Got It Made 03:42
08 - Buffalo Soldier 03:45
09 - Treat 'Em Right 04:45
10 - Insane In The Brain 03:47
11 - Ice Ice Baby (Rock Hero Mix) 04:10
12 - Ice Ice Baby (Club Crasher Mix) 04:28
13 - Ice Ice Baby (New Romantic Mix) 04:54
─────
54:21 min
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
CEREAL STONERS WAGE WAR ON TONY THE TIGER
MILK SPILLS IN THE STREETS
In today's news it looks like a certain breakfast food company has completely pissed off the wrong demographic, hungry cereal-munching stoners. Kellogg's is getting smoked after a decision was made to drop Michael Phelps' endorsement deal over a bong photo. A massive, smelly boycott by thousands of Phish-listening ganja tokers has successfully cut deep into the pockets of the Corn Pops empire.
Silicon Valley Insider (SVI) has published a report compiled by the company reputation index, Vanno, which appears to show that the cancellation of Phelps's endorsement contract has badly damaged the Kellogg's brand. "Out of the 5,600 company reputations Vanno monitors, Kellogg ranked ninth before it booted Phelps. Now it's ranked 83. Not even an industry-wide peanut scare inflicted as much damage on the food company's reputation," reports SVI.
This news can only signal the beginning of a downward spiral for the Kellogg's company. Shockingly the Kellogg's cereal "Bran Buds" has not taken a hit in profits.
In related news, reports are coming in now saying that a depressed Dig 'Em frog has traded his Sugar Smacks for actual smack, and has subsequently checked himself into a Los Angeles rehab facility. Get better Dig 'Em, THE GRINGO ST★RR is rooting for a swift recovery.
In today's news it looks like a certain breakfast food company has completely pissed off the wrong demographic, hungry cereal-munching stoners. Kellogg's is getting smoked after a decision was made to drop Michael Phelps' endorsement deal over a bong photo. A massive, smelly boycott by thousands of Phish-listening ganja tokers has successfully cut deep into the pockets of the Corn Pops empire.
Silicon Valley Insider (SVI) has published a report compiled by the company reputation index, Vanno, which appears to show that the cancellation of Phelps's endorsement contract has badly damaged the Kellogg's brand. "Out of the 5,600 company reputations Vanno monitors, Kellogg ranked ninth before it booted Phelps. Now it's ranked 83. Not even an industry-wide peanut scare inflicted as much damage on the food company's reputation," reports SVI.
This news can only signal the beginning of a downward spiral for the Kellogg's company. Shockingly the Kellogg's cereal "Bran Buds" has not taken a hit in profits.
In related news, reports are coming in now saying that a depressed Dig 'Em frog has traded his Sugar Smacks for actual smack, and has subsequently checked himself into a Los Angeles rehab facility. Get better Dig 'Em, THE GRINGO ST★RR is rooting for a swift recovery.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
THE OLE' FAKE CHIMNEY ON A ROOFTOP GAG
SMART CRIMINALS STAGE BANK HEIST AFTER MULTIPLE VIEWINGS OF MARY POPPINS
Bank robberies. In these delicate times of financial chaos the crooks have finally stepped their game up. Two nights ago thieves managed to set-up a fake chimney on top of a Brooklyn bank, allowing them to cut a giant hole in the roof with super villain cutting tools. 60 safe deposit boxes were stolen according to the NY Post*.
"The burglars - captured on surveillance cameras - operated heavy-duty blowtorches normally used under water to slice through the roof and enter the Astoria Federal Savings Bank on East Second Street and 18th Avenue in Borough Park. Bank employees discovered the break-in yesterday morning. The powerful tools were left at the scene and at a nearby construction site. A perfectly extracted circular slab of concrete from the roof was found nearby."
Bravo criminals! You’re officially in the running for best bank heist of 2009!!!
(although it’s really going to be reeeeally tough to beat the 2008 Craigslist banditos)
which you can read about here
*The NY Post is a periodical often chastised by 90’s super group Public Enemy
Bank robberies. In these delicate times of financial chaos the crooks have finally stepped their game up. Two nights ago thieves managed to set-up a fake chimney on top of a Brooklyn bank, allowing them to cut a giant hole in the roof with super villain cutting tools. 60 safe deposit boxes were stolen according to the NY Post*.
"The burglars - captured on surveillance cameras - operated heavy-duty blowtorches normally used under water to slice through the roof and enter the Astoria Federal Savings Bank on East Second Street and 18th Avenue in Borough Park. Bank employees discovered the break-in yesterday morning. The powerful tools were left at the scene and at a nearby construction site. A perfectly extracted circular slab of concrete from the roof was found nearby."
Bravo criminals! You’re officially in the running for best bank heist of 2009!!!
(although it’s really going to be reeeeally tough to beat the 2008 Craigslist banditos)
which you can read about here
*The NY Post is a periodical often chastised by 90’s super group Public EnemyWednesday, February 4, 2009
R★TARDED PIZZA
AN OBSERVATION
Sometimes life puts you into situations. I was put into one of these “situations” yesterday while waiting to have my taxes prepared at a local community college. I had to wait two hours in a cafeteria just to have my taxes filed for free because I am a cheap bastard, but hey it was free, and this story is not about taxes. This story is about pizza.
How can I put this delicately? While I was waiting patiently for my name to be called, I happened to observe a series of “interviews” being conducted at the table next to me. The interviewer was a typical Oregon hipster with a ponytail and sweater combo; the interviewee was in fact…mentally challenged. From what I gathered, these interviews were for a newsletter on campus. I could be rude and say “it was a newsletter catered towards making retarded people feel better about themselves”, but I won’t. I can only assume this newsletter is circulated exclusively amongst the retarded community, and they really dig it.
So onto the interview, what was the interview about? Politics? Current Events? No…this interview was about the perfect pizza. What would a retarded person want on their perfect pizza? I’m seriously trying hard not to be a d*ck in this article, but when you're finished reading the recipe below, I’m sure you’ll agree. This really is a retarded pizza.
Retarded Pizza Ingredients
• Tomato sauce
• Cucumbers
• Mushrooms
• Bell peppers
• Italian sausage
• Pepperoni
• Onions
• Sliced ham
• No artichokes
• Pineapple
and…
• Swiss Cheese
“Swiss cheese?”, even our ponytailed friend conducting the interview was taken aback. “Yes, swiss cheese and a diet soda.”, she replied. I committed every ingredient to memory immediately.
Feel free to make this tasty treat at home. And to the little lady out at LCC who came up with this amazing pie, I salute you. Pass a slice over to GRINGO ST★RR.
Sometimes life puts you into situations. I was put into one of these “situations” yesterday while waiting to have my taxes prepared at a local community college. I had to wait two hours in a cafeteria just to have my taxes filed for free because I am a cheap bastard, but hey it was free, and this story is not about taxes. This story is about pizza.
How can I put this delicately? While I was waiting patiently for my name to be called, I happened to observe a series of “interviews” being conducted at the table next to me. The interviewer was a typical Oregon hipster with a ponytail and sweater combo; the interviewee was in fact…mentally challenged. From what I gathered, these interviews were for a newsletter on campus. I could be rude and say “it was a newsletter catered towards making retarded people feel better about themselves”, but I won’t. I can only assume this newsletter is circulated exclusively amongst the retarded community, and they really dig it.
So onto the interview, what was the interview about? Politics? Current Events? No…this interview was about the perfect pizza. What would a retarded person want on their perfect pizza? I’m seriously trying hard not to be a d*ck in this article, but when you're finished reading the recipe below, I’m sure you’ll agree. This really is a retarded pizza.
Retarded Pizza Ingredients
• Tomato sauce
• Cucumbers
• Mushrooms
• Bell peppers
• Italian sausage
• Pepperoni
• Onions
• Sliced ham
• No artichokes
• Pineapple
and…
• Swiss Cheese
“Swiss cheese?”, even our ponytailed friend conducting the interview was taken aback. “Yes, swiss cheese and a diet soda.”, she replied. I committed every ingredient to memory immediately.
Feel free to make this tasty treat at home. And to the little lady out at LCC who came up with this amazing pie, I salute you. Pass a slice over to GRINGO ST★RR.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
THE GRINGO ST★RR IS WORLDWIDE!
FUN FACT!
We've had visits from 7 different countries* since our launch in January.
We've had visits from 7 different countries* since our launch in January.
• United States
• Canada
• Czech Republic
• Philippines
• China
• Norway
• Israel
*statistics calculated using google analytics
• Canada
• Czech Republic
• Philippines
• China
• Norway
• Israel
*statistics calculated using google analytics
Friday, January 30, 2009
THE NEW G.I. JOE MOVIE IS GOING TO BE SH*TTY
hahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahaha hahahahah hahahahahhahaha hahaha hahahahahha hahahah (cough) hahahahhaha hahahah haha ha ha ha hahah ahhh...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
MICROSOFT SONGSMITH = THE DEVIL
666
Microsoft usually comes out with decent products, decent products that require a thousand patches and fixes to operate smoothly, but decent products nonetheless.
Sure all of their Zunes died on New Years Eve, and my XBOX 360 is at their repair shop (for the second time in a year since it's disc drive completely failed), but I have faith. XBOX Live is my crack, and I can wait a few weeks for a free fix. I've accepted that, but what I can't accept is when they throw sh*t products in our face like this.
THE MICROSOFT SONGSMITH!
Believe it or f*cking not this is an actual video for an actual product! This is a product being released this month, not January 1985, but January 2009!!!
I can't take it. I refuse to blog about this anymore. It's just too ridiculous. This kind of sh*t can only be the fault of T-Pain and/or MTV. I blame both of them.
Microsoft usually comes out with decent products, decent products that require a thousand patches and fixes to operate smoothly, but decent products nonetheless.
Sure all of their Zunes died on New Years Eve, and my XBOX 360 is at their repair shop (for the second time in a year since it's disc drive completely failed), but I have faith. XBOX Live is my crack, and I can wait a few weeks for a free fix. I've accepted that, but what I can't accept is when they throw sh*t products in our face like this.
THE MICROSOFT SONGSMITH!
Believe it or f*cking not this is an actual video for an actual product! This is a product being released this month, not January 1985, but January 2009!!!
I can't take it. I refuse to blog about this anymore. It's just too ridiculous. This kind of sh*t can only be the fault of T-Pain and/or MTV. I blame both of them.
WHO DIS?
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS!
Who's this guy? Who's this guy sitting here sipping his coffee, enjoying a nice Cosby sweater moment? Who could it be?
It's the f*cking Diceman that's who, Andrew Dice Clay! Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty ohhhhhhhhh!
Yeah he's looking old these days, I can only imagine what Kinison would look like if he were still around.
Who's this guy? Who's this guy sitting here sipping his coffee, enjoying a nice Cosby sweater moment? Who could it be?
It's the f*cking Diceman that's who, Andrew Dice Clay! Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two-fifty ohhhhhhhhh!
Yeah he's looking old these days, I can only imagine what Kinison would look like if he were still around.
Friday, January 9, 2009
DON'T CHOKE ON MY UTERUS!
Here we go, I like this. Apparently the cuddly fuzzy uterus pictured below is a cold blooded killer.
A small toy business with the charming name "i heart guts!" has issued a recall for their plush uterus. I don't know what's funnier, the fact that people actually buy stuffed uterus's for their children, or the wacky lighthearted "OH NO UTERUS RECALL!" logo posted on their site here:
http://www.iheartguts.com/
"I Heart Guts is the brainchild of an anatomically obsessed illustrator who loves internal organs and all they do."
Anatomically obsessed? Keep this guy away from children. I also noticed that they only offer safe, politically correct organs. You wont find any plush testicles or colons on this website, at least I don't think you will, I'm not anatomically savvy enough to know what most of this sh*t actually is. Awesome.
UPDATE! They actually do sell balls on their website. I found these two nads hanging around in the "Sexy Reproductive System Sticker Set".
A small toy business with the charming name "i heart guts!" has issued a recall for their plush uterus. I don't know what's funnier, the fact that people actually buy stuffed uterus's for their children, or the wacky lighthearted "OH NO UTERUS RECALL!" logo posted on their site here:
http://www.iheartguts.com/
"I Heart Guts is the brainchild of an anatomically obsessed illustrator who loves internal organs and all they do."
Anatomically obsessed? Keep this guy away from children. I also noticed that they only offer safe, politically correct organs. You wont find any plush testicles or colons on this website, at least I don't think you will, I'm not anatomically savvy enough to know what most of this sh*t actually is. Awesome.
UPDATE! They actually do sell balls on their website. I found these two nads hanging around in the "Sexy Reproductive System Sticker Set".
IP MAN
IP MAN! IP MAN! IP MAN!
Hands down the best martial arts movie I've seen in years. THE BEST!
If you consider yourself any kind of kung-fu fan then you MUST see this movie. Donnie Yen is amazing. Holy sh*t.
Ip Man is adapted from the life story of Yip Man, the grandmaster of the Wing Chun style of kung fu and sifu of legendary kung fu superstar Bruce Lee.
Hands down the best martial arts movie I've seen in years. THE BEST!
If you consider yourself any kind of kung-fu fan then you MUST see this movie. Donnie Yen is amazing. Holy sh*t.
Ip Man is adapted from the life story of Yip Man, the grandmaster of the Wing Chun style of kung fu and sifu of legendary kung fu superstar Bruce Lee.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
ANGRY WHOPPER ATTACKS SMALL VILLAGE!
Angry Whopper! What a great name for a sandwich. I guess "Pissed Off Whopper" or "Fistfight Burger" was already taken.
I just drove by a billboard for this tasty treat and I can officially say that my curiosity has been piqued. Someone plz email me one of these pronto. It even comes with "Angry onions" and a spicy "Angry sauce". I'll take one of these and an order of "Kick in the Balls Fries". Thank you...
LARRY FLYNT ASKS FOR PRON BAILOUT?
Hey it's Larry Flynt, I know him. I saw a movie once where Woody Harrelson portrayed his life. It was a good flick.
Now normally I would scoff at the thought of government bailouts...but here is a bailout I can really get behind. PORN! Flynt is asking for a $5 billion bailout of the porn industry. His justification? People are too depressed to whack it anymore.
"People are too depressed to be sexually active," said Flynt. "This is very unhealthy as a nation... It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America."
Hey now! Let's get the ball rolling on this one America. We need bigger and better bolt-on jublies for the ladies, we need Steven Speilberg directing porn movies with 3-D double-penetration scenes and Burger King tie-ins. The time is now! Get off your asses! Or maybe you could just google up some porn and get yourself undepressed? But I digress.
Larry Flynt we here at The Gringo Starr salute you, a true American, a true patriot. Salude.
Now normally I would scoff at the thought of government bailouts...but here is a bailout I can really get behind. PORN! Flynt is asking for a $5 billion bailout of the porn industry. His justification? People are too depressed to whack it anymore.
"People are too depressed to be sexually active," said Flynt. "This is very unhealthy as a nation... It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America."
Hey now! Let's get the ball rolling on this one America. We need bigger and better bolt-on jublies for the ladies, we need Steven Speilberg directing porn movies with 3-D double-penetration scenes and Burger King tie-ins. The time is now! Get off your asses! Or maybe you could just google up some porn and get yourself undepressed? But I digress.
Larry Flynt we here at The Gringo Starr salute you, a true American, a true patriot. Salude.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
WELCOME TO THE GRINGO STARR!
In today's news a Colorado man was caught dangling upside down buck naked on a ski lift. After slipping off of the lift the victim somehow lost his pants in what can only be described as "cartoonish hijinx".
Luckily for us most sites are censoring the gratuitous hairy man-ass. When asked "How's it hanging?" by local ski bums, Dirk Dangler proceeded to throw feces at the locals like a modern-day zoo monkey. Unfortunately he was not wearing parachute pants at the time of the incident.
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