Sometimes life puts you into situations. I was put into one of these “situations” yesterday while waiting to have my taxes prepared at a local community college. I had to wait two hours in a cafeteria just to have my taxes filed for free because I am a cheap bastard, but hey it was free, and this story is not about taxes. This story is about pizza.
How can I put this delicately? While I was waiting patiently for my name to be called, I happened to observe a series of “interviews” being conducted at the table next to me. The interviewer was a typical Oregon hipster with a ponytail and sweater combo; the interviewee was in fact…mentally challenged. From what I gathered, these interviews were for a newsletter on campus. I could be rude and say “it was a newsletter catered towards making retarded people feel better about themselves”, but I won’t. I can only assume this newsletter is circulated exclusively amongst the retarded community, and they really dig it.
So onto the interview, what was the interview about? Politics? Current Events? No…this interview was about the perfect pizza. What would a retarded person want on their perfect pizza? I’m seriously trying hard not to be a d*ck in this article, but when you're finished reading the recipe below, I’m sure you’ll agree. This really is a retarded pizza.
Retarded Pizza Ingredients
• Tomato sauce
• Cucumbers
• Mushrooms
• Bell peppers
• Italian sausage
• Pepperoni
• Onions
• Sliced ham
• No artichokes
• Pineapple
and…
• Swiss Cheese
“Swiss cheese?”, even our ponytailed friend conducting the interview was taken aback. “Yes, swiss cheese and a diet soda.”, she replied. I committed every ingredient to memory immediately.
Feel free to make this tasty treat at home. And to the little lady out at LCC who came up with this amazing pie, I salute you. Pass a slice over to GRINGO ST★RR.
I* would eat that pizza.
ReplyDelete*Not me.